Jº§HÜå (squash) wrote,
Jº§HÜå
squash

leaves

To say that my life has taken a couple weird turns in the past month or so since I've written would be a gross understatement. I don't even know what to say, really. But I do have the constant need to say something. Yet there are very few people to talk to now. I'm happy, I'm overjoyed at times. But I also cannot stop thinking, and I am so goddamn insecure.

I've been getting drunk every night for a week now, just so I can sleep. I smoke half a pack of cigarettes a day to keep from tearing my own hair out. Well, what's left. Hah. Last night, I chased a few teenagers half a block just hoping I could catch one of them and let out some of my frustration. Don't worry, they had it coming. The point is, I need an outlet, and I don't have one. It's making me crazy. I'm not good at holding back, and I'm reaching my limit. I've got a vacation coming at the end of the month. I'm going to pack whatever I can fit into a backpack, drive to a forest up north, and just be alone for a few days. I just need to get away.

I just keep asking myself if it's worth it. Guess I've changed. I never would've questioned it before. I think I'm afraid of getting hurt. Or that I already am. Or that I couldn't change the way I feel now if I tried.

Time for a walk.
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